It’s only a persecution complex if it’s not real

October 6, 2006

The quality if my life is constantly being degraded by the actions of others who deliberately target me as the outlet of their spite and misanthropy. A brief list would include c2c, the Eclipse Project, the Anglo-Croat Goodwill Committee, people who insist on walking with their umbrellas up and stabbing me in the face with them even when it’s not raining, and Isaac Newton. Each of these disparate groups have set out with no truck other than to make me miserable. Now, it seems that they are joined in this dispicable crusade by the RFU.

One vote, and this will signal the end of rugby union as we know it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Scrummaging is not the most dangerous part of the game. Tackling is. However, if you remove scrummaging and tackling from the game, why not remove those dangerous pointy ends from the ball, and make it spherical. From there, you can get rid of those high posts which could easily fall down in a breeze. And why not stop the possibility of finger injuries by only allowing the ball to be kicked.

Rugby is a magnificent game — and scrummaging the best bit of it — because it’s a contact sport; one of the unfortunate corollaries of which being that you can get injured. Currently, I am. I pulled a muscle in my back in a scrummage 2 weeks ago. It’s still sore as hell, and my house still carries the faint odour of Deep Heat. Everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. Even the fridge. Would I have it any other way? No.* I did this playing the sport I love, and on the pitch with 14 of my closest friends in the world.

Come January 1, if this rule is enforced, the Mushyphobia endemic in today’s society will be complete. Why play rugby any more when the good bit is legislated out of existence, and all that is left is rucking, mauling, and the lineout?

* Except for the Deep Heat smell. That’s starting to grate a bit, if I’m honest.


5 Responses to “It’s only a persecution complex if it’s not real”

  1. Pork Says:

    I feel the passion man… I really do.

  2. MushyMajor Says:

    We’re very risk adverse nowadays…

    I believe that the former cricket, now association football ‘club’ located in Middlesex, T*ttenham H*tspur, has given its players leave to throw themselves to the ground, as long as an opposition player is in fairly close proximity to them. This is especially the case in or about the 18 yard box, as it reduces the likelyhood of contact injury.

    Well done chaps.

    Whilst we’re on it, following John Hilditch shattering his right elbow whilst playing for the Crouch End Vampires 6th team at the weekend, the risk from contact with the ground is to be mitigated by issuing football players with these:

  3. Mushy minor wears one of those to work.

  4. MushyMajor Says:

    You may have noticed Paul Robinson wearing one in goal for England last night

  5. […] It should be borne in mind, though, that I am not always entirely at fault, in the event of bumping into someone during the rush hour walk in to work. Sometimes someone will bump into me. Not having a persecution complex (ahem), I realise that someone has just bumped into me by accident. In most cases, it is fair to assume that this accidental bump does therefore not represent the culmination of the person having schemed all day long about a way just to annoy me. Thus, a cheery nod to recognise their apology is usually enough to set both protagonists straight. Job done, game over. Everyone can get back to what they’re doing. […]

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