Why golf is not a sport

February 4, 2007

In my own tiny little world, there are two criteria which determine what constitutes a sport. Although as a general rule, I talk one hell of a lot of shit, I truly believe that the combination of Mushy’s First and Second Laws serve quite adequtely to define what is a sport, and what is little more than a hobby; akin to stamp collecting.

Mushy’s First Law

If professional practitioners of an activity smoke whilst participating therein, it is classified as Not A Sport.

Mushy’s Second Law

If the clothing worn whilst participating in an activity involves slacks, it is classified as Not A Sport.

Mushy’s First Law has been the subject of at times rigourous discussion, and as such the necssity of an addendum has raised its ugly head.

First Addendum to Mushy’s First Law

If a sport does not have professional status, then Mushy’s First Law can be applied to its practitioners at the highest amateur level.

A few examples of sports and hobbies are presented below.

Activity Status Justification
Cricket Sport Before the advent of the sports trouser, Cricket was Not A Sport.
Darts Hobby 1st law until recently. 2nd Law all the time.
Rugby Sport Tasty shorts, but no slacks.
Athletics Sport No smoking; no slacks
Pool Hobby Probably 1st Law; definitely 2nd Law
Golf Hobby 1st Law—for example, Darren Clarke. 2nd Law—for example, every golfer in the world

I think you’ll find that the amended laws are pretty watertight when it comes to the determination of what’s a sport. If the definitions were extended to include every activity which involves some physical activity, and carries the risk of serious injury, then we would have to include pool, which—as previously proven—is Not A Sport.

Discuss away; prove me right.

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11 Responses to “Why golf is not a sport”

  1. Lawrence Says:

    I think you’re on shaky ground with Cricket to be honest.

  2. Mushymajor Says:

    I would suggest that an addendum to clarify is also required to law 2.

    Slacks and wearing therof should only be used to define sport, or not a sport if the participants are wearing them whilst engaged in said sporting or otherwise activity.

    Take rugby for example. As I recall, rugby types tend to sport slacks both pre and post game. This is dressed up as ‘looking smart to represent the club’, but presumably is to assist in the not at all homoerotic ritual de-bagging ceremonies of which they seem to delight. Nontheless, the 80 minutes of play in my opinion still constitutes sport.

  3. mushyp Says:

    All you have proved, Mushymajor, is that ritualised homoerotic debagging is not a sport.

    More’s the pity—that lottery grant is now doomed for failure.

  4. Mushymajor Says:

    I disagree with your take on this.

    Mushy’s Second Law states that

    ‘If the uniform of an activity involves slacks, it is classified as Not A Sport.’

    I would contend that the very fact that you turn up to, and leave a game wearing slacks, constitutes a uniform pursuant to said activity, whether or not you wear it during the actual game. Therefore an addendum/clarification to the second law is required.

    I still contend that there is a case for sport being defined by getting out of breath if said activity is played correctly at the highest level.

    Additionally, another definition could include the requirement for an opponent with whom you interact at the same time, e.g. footy, tennis, and rugby, as opposed to snooker, golf, and darts where to all intents and purposes, you are actually playing yourself.

  5. Iris Weaver Says:

    Thank for making this valuable information available to the public.

  6. Gully Says:

    Sorry. I disagree with cricket being labelled a Sport. It is perfectly possible to break the First Law in the outfield, especially if you’re at third man or long leg. It’s more difficult (but not impossible) to break the First Law in the slips/gully, though I believe I have succeeded in the past.

  7. mushyp Says:

    A perfectly valid point, Gully. However, is it fair to assume that you’re not a professional cricketer, and do not smoke whilst playing professionally? If so, then the professionalism stipulation would imply that Mushy’s First Law remains unbroken.

    I am thinking of including a Pedalo addendum, however 😉

  8. Reikken Says:

    So running is a sport, eh?
    as is jumping on a trampoline
    and snorkeling, diving, etc.
    and skydiving

  9. mushyp Says:

    Aye – pretty much.


  10. […] the scale – below cricket, above snooker, darts and golf. You’ll notice none of those four, technically can be classed as sports (Pease is sophisting himself about […]


  11. […] topic , Relevant to my work Tags: sport governance lingerie A friend, let us call him Mushy, defines a sport as any activity that cannot be accomplished while smoking or wearing slacks. As a […]


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